Embrace

The pain flowed back in about a week or so back. It has been intense and unrelenting even with the pain-killers. The problem with the pain-killers is that my dosage is watched over a coterie of helpful people who will take them off me altogether if I seem to be using too many and this bout is extraordinary for being less treatable. This is one of those times when not having a range of options is become dangerous perhaps

Emotionally, this level of pain is like a sledge hammer beating my ability to cope into dust. Depressions actually started before the pain so I am wondering if that was an indication of an outside source such as the change from one med to a generic equivalent. The situation is becoming quite desperate. Virtually all day was spent hunkered down on bed clinging to the sheets and fighting vicious pain and some strange dizziness. Emotionally my mind seems happy to wander from near screams to thoughts of suicide and back to a sort of emptiness.

Intellectually, while I am a little better now the whole mind thing is difficult when all attention is trying to work around pain. Huge pains in the chest at times. I can barely keep my fat head straight on my shoulders right now. Hopefully whatever is making this happen will end soon and I can back to my usual levels of discomfort and despair. If it keeps going..dunno… can a body just keep taking it?

2 comments to Embrace

You must be logged in to post a comment.