Boom, heart attack

A chest wracking pain has been chewing at my chest since I awoke this morning. I have taken aspirin and fluids. I have also eaten eggs on toast. The meds for diabetes were taken at about 4am with a very small breakfast and low blood sugar may have been a partial culprit for the attack. I am fairly sure it is an attack. I should be in an ambulance but they would take me to Wyong Hospital where the past efforts to get help for chest pains have been treated as attempts to get drugs. I am quite sure that is a major part of the causes for the fact that this has gone as far as it has without treatment.

I doubt that I would go to that hospital again without a lawyer to hold my hand and I cannot afford a taxi to get me to Gosford or Newcastle hospitals. Things are pretty desperate. The pain is staying put and I am concerned I might die here today or end up a drooling vegetable. Its booming right through the painkillers as though I haven’t had any!

Later at 10pm I am very tired and not able to find much energy. I am drifting off to sleep in little micro bursts and having strange little dreams or hallucinations where I seem to be drifting in and out of reality. The dreams are quite gentle and not at all threatening it is just that one moment I will be watching Q and A on the ABC and the next I will floating through a strange cloud talking to someone who cannot exist then I am back to Q and A wondering where the clouds went. There is no reason for me to be that tired.

During the day I put together a hospital bag in case I gave in and needed to go to hospital. There is nothing worse than being in a place as hostile to your normal daily rituals as a hospital without pajamas, toothbrush, hair brush and your own meds. It is awful to lose control of your health and then end up in that bare concrete cattle shed with no pants and a strange piece of clothing that leaves your butt bare.

Most of the day was spent asleep. I have eaten and showered and my head fels like it is full of cotton wool. There are some nasty twinges still happening. I dunno about this, the danger feels very immediate!

In my dreams, if I survive (am I being a drama queen?) until Wednesday and the appointment with the specialist, I like to imagine a bunch of people realizing how much danger I am in and wrapping me up in soft coverings while they carry me off to immediate treatment and I am well and safe very quickly. Anyone who thinks I will do any better than another appointment in a few weeks should call me. I have swampland you might like to buy

Tues 15th Feb or the next day.

Slept like a log all night and even went to bed earlier than I am used to. Woke at 4am for breakfast. back to sleep by 4:30 and then the birds woke me at 6;30 demanding their breakfast. I didn’t really wake up to feed them. Slept through to 1:30am and woke feeling week but generally alright. Mu body seemed to be slick with some awful smelling perspiration or slime. It took a few hours to manage a shower. Feeling alright meant maybe I could go to the supermarket. there wasn’t much food left. A few minutes in to the shop my chest was sore again and after that progressed I headed out without much food, stopped at the green-grocer where there was no walking to do and went home. My chest is heavy and feels as though it has been damaged but the main symptoms are clear. We will see what happens tomorrow at the specialist

Thurs 17th.

Feeling much better although still no energy. The specialist yesterday decided to send me to St Vincent’s Hospital for an angiogram on the 4th March. They also suggested I carry the bag of stuff I need if actually stay in hospital as they may want to keep me in a fix the problem immediately. OK that’s enough on the matter for this thread/post. Getting to, and getting about, St Vincent’s Hospital will be a bit of a test and not something to look forward too!

Started when I was informed I had heart damage a few days ago

Pencilled rough for ink drawing called unnamed dread started when I was informed I had heart damage a few days ago

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