Mouse. Quick drawing from back in 1992. Carb-Othello pencils and ink

Am I being silly? Tomorrow the prime story on at least one current affairs programme is about the Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal. Do they trawl through our blogs using us to generate ideas? Did they find my little battle and steal the idea then head off to process it and make their money leaving me flailing about with no lawyer for court and only a couple of valiant community workers helping me? To lose my home and maybe everything!

Maybe it is just a co-incidence right?

Anyway, I am still binge eating although I have managed to get control of the therapeutic Ebay purchasing. The other thing that needs to be resisted is the Valium. I need it at times but the thought of a benzodiazepine dependence scares the shit out of me.

Right in the middle of the post the damned wireless broadband modem starts to fail and keeps kicking me off line every five minutes or so. No not even that, every couple of minutes.

Anyway taking Valium is limited to no more than one or two a week at most.

What is the word for this other thing? The real fear of the court case is transferred onto what I will wear. My mind is spinning trying to decide if I will wear shorts and a button shirt or polo shirt, slacks and a business shirt and tie or slacks and a casual shirt. I think that sports coat hiding in a plastic protector might be a bit old and the shoulders a bit over-padded for the twenty first century. What do people wear to court? The fact is that court cases are an unknown factor and I am going in as prepared as I have possibly been able to make myself which is not at all.  The magistrate will not know that or he may not care. He sees this all the time and the fact is that a lot of the court time is simply processing people like they are packaged nuts. Get em in, get the paperwork done and get em out, let them bleed and scream on the pavement. It is not the court’s fault that communities want everything from revenge to moral certitude from the same body and they want it cheap.

This should not be on my shoulders. I am so weary of all the unnecessary pain these people have caused me.I wanted the effort of the last part of my life to be making art not fighting to stay off the street and out of jail.  I do not want to go any further down this path. I feel a bit ill after two bacon and cheese rolls. It is the emptiness and worry of being here alone. The space just needs filling and food is the easiest thing.

I see somebody from Google put some adverts for positive thinking among the ones in these posts. I hear you. Thanks!