I am too tired to scan or draw so this is one from the internet

In the morning I went up to the pharmacist to get some heart medications. This afternoon I noticed that one of the diabetes medications had run out as well. there is always something to run out of on public holidays.

The day was spent reading Stephen King’s CELL and bringing a drawing up to the first stage of ink. It is not the first time I read CELL and always find it riveting. The whole day has been marked by significant depression. It could be a chemical disorder or it could be that the whole estate agent thing is eating at my sub-conscience. It was surprising that during periods of depression today there were several moments when a vision of suicide intruded. It came into the mind like some warm oasis in an icy waste. That is odd. It came without context into a non-specific attack of depression. Always before it has been part of a battle against something like pain or a particular despair about something that seemed ready to overwhelm the ability to cope. I had planned to spend some time at Roger’s store but I by the time I looked up from drawing the time had passed.

Those of you who think there is no spiritual reserve for the human psyche can stop reading now.

I wonder if there is some element of psychic attack or some psychic pressure or leakage here to make this occur in this unusual way. I will start taking measures to limit that intrusion.

It seems there is some deep damage in the hip and knee joint. This a result of the extra walking and riding about on the scooter which has been occurring this week. I worry about it because it takes a long time to heal in a body with diabetes and it is cumulative. I would have to rest very carefully for a few weeks to be sure of overcoming it and that is not likely so I can expect it to get worse. That may also be the trigger for the depression. It was that level and type of pain that drove me into a huge breakdown a few years back. (although I pushed the envelope for months before it affected me badly)

The drawing I am working on looks like shit. I cannot tell if that is because it is actually so bad or if it is because I am depressed. Depression often makes everything seem unpleasant and creative enterprises are like walking in lead shoes. It is just a matter od slogging on now that I am up to the stage of inking the work and hoping that it is the depression.

I am wondering how the women who run the Halekulani Library went today. They had a charity sale at the community hall beside the library. I didn’t manage to get much for them this time. There were just some bougainvillea and bromeliad I potted up for their last sale in October and didn’t get mature enough to send. There seemed to be a lot of people down that way when I went to the pharmacist but I did not go to the sale either. I was down to my last few dollars, just enough to get some bread, milk and prescriptions. That happened last year as well. I guess I will either pop a few dollars in the box or buy some tickets. I read the books they look after and I think I can show my appreciation when able!