Doodle girl II Dipping pen and ink

Mum tells me she has been reading Hazel Hawke’s book. I think she said it was “My own Life”. The one about Hazel having Alzheimers. Mum’s partner is very ill and suffering more and more dementia and it has been causing her (my mother) quite a bit of torment. She was at her doctor and the doctor managed to get her to admit she was having trouble and recommended the book as having helped someone else. Mum is from that generation that does not admit to being hurt or hurting. She thinks her emotional turmoil is secondary to what someone else might be suffering so it has been difficult to get her to admit just how tough she is finding things. I know she has been unhappy and scared.

Her little home is now attended by some aged care and respite people. It is very hard to ask for that kind of assistance but she saw how they had helped me. Mum rang me after their second visit and told me there were people cleaning her house. All her life she had been the one to clean . She was laughing because she was delighted and embarrassed. Her partner has a device around his neck that tells the ambulance that he has fallen or wandered off while walking the dog. She had tears in her eyes when she told me about that. She has been terrified for him as she cannot take his enjoyment of walking the dog away. Like all of us he fights to keep control of the few things he still has control of.

Anyway mum actually made a special phone call just to tell me the Hazel Hawke book had lifted her spirits and was helping her cope with the minefield of aging and a partner such as she has. I hope I can say this without being arrogant or invoking one-upmanship. Mum has been coming to me for advice as have a few people because I have had to deal with the physical and mental trauma of disability and mental illness. I have developed a few coping behaviours that others can use and I understand what is happening in the heart and mind of someone who is going through a steady and unavoidable decline. Once a person has come to the understanding that they are on a ride without mercy or escape they will come to less harm if they reach out to people who have experienced things and know what to do to keep life sane and working. It can be a healing thing to find the words of others suffering the same trials and to know you are not alone. It can be healing to find that there are organisations designed out of the knowledge that people are going through these trials. In this case the writings of Hazel lifted my mother’s spirits and have given her some idea of what to expect.

There is so much to write about this last subject but I think I will spread over a few posts rather than gush into a great outpouring here and now. I am relieved almost to tears that Mum has assistance and something to give her heart some strength and support.