The shell drawing at the Budgewoi Convenience Store was exchanged for this one

The birds were fed at 6am as they are every day. There was rain about and the clouds were coming in from the south. After jolting down a handful of pills and some beef patties on toast with coffee I went back to bed until 7am.

The community worker picked me up at 8:30 and we headed off to the Gosford office of legal aid arriving in Gosford by 9:15 am. We parked at the Gosford Library. If there was any sense in the street numbering the building we were looking for was close to the library but it isn’t. I had included half a Valium among the tablets I took that morning but I was still getting grumpy by the time I had walked up the actual correct building which was a few hundred metres away from where we parked. It was fairly painful marching myself through Gosford and up to the building and that makes me cranky but the stress of attending something like legal aid will equally stress me emotionally which comes out as a sort of grudging grumpiness. The Valium was a good idea. I was able to keep smiling.

There was a clinic on that morning and a few lost souls and court attendees turned up to see if they could get some sort of representation. We all had our names taken and say on a little set of hard plastic chairs on one side of the room. That made my arse hurt which made me even grumpier. We sat and listened to the office staff dealing with other frightened and confused souls on the phones and one or two drifted in and out of the office. I was struck by the desk staff’s ability to get information and keep their calm in the face of the emotion being directed at them over the phone. Government services seem to have changed a bit from the last time I accessed them. Last time it was office policy of the offices I attended to show derision and disgust if you had the least problem explaining yourself. That was how I remembered it anyway. The office I was in this morning was working to get people to the places they had to be.

Anyway. I was angry at the seats which were hurting my butt. There were only a few of us there and everyone seemed to flow through the various processes, including meeting with the duty solicitor, fairly smoothly and quickly. The solicitor came out of her office asking what she was to do with a huge heap of files. They were my records I had sent to assist me to get legal aid. She seemed to be unhappy at the amount of information and less than inclined to read them. She read the police report anyway. Then I was told that people charged with assault could get up to five years in jail but if I pleaded guilty right then and there I would get a 25% discount off the sentence when I went to court. I had expected that but it still make me angry that there is an offer that blackmails you and you will get a worse sentence if you fail to prove your case, not if you are guilty and lie. She sat back and waited for me to see sense.

Eventually we discussed the event in question and she seemed to relax quite a bit. I did too. The valium was working and the chair in the office was kinder to my butt. I could ignore my sore legs for a few minutes but by the time I had left the office I was scattered. She seemed completely relaxed and on top of things when she told me what would happen next. We would plead not guilty in court and begin to prepare a brief of evidence as well as awaiting a similar brief from my accusers. I was still grumpy and I am sure I did not show anywhere near enough appreciation for the point we had reached when I left. To be honest I had not fully realised that we had passed a landmark until I was down the street. On the way out I was scattered enough not to notice the door to the lift closing as I walked towards it and I smashed my face and shoulder into it. My face is alright but the shoulder was wrenched. Just something else to join all the bits that throb.

We drove back and ended up at Macdonalds for a bite.

I came home and hopped on the scooter to go over to the convenience store in Ocean Pd. I took down the shell drawing and replaced it with the little house painting. Then I went to Coles for some groceries. By the time I was home again my body would not keep going. I sat on a chair and slept and the pain of all the walking caught up. More painkillers and a really bad time waiting for them to give some relief so I could sleep more. A little while ago I managed to get to the machine but I am burning the other end of the candle to get this post done. So tired!