Doodle. One of of the first done back in my teens, A wealthy fat 19th C. industrialist from a group of rough drawings for a series with insect based characters

I am going to use it again so be warned. Waking up this morning was painful. The new damage is making life hell. Most of the early morning was spent on my back fighting to get a grip on myself. Hang on that sounds like auto eroticism. No it wasn’t that. The world is just greyness down a dark tunnel when the pain is at that kind of level after being asleep. If I get up and just power into it I crash into things and drop cups and plates and step on equipment and the pain makes me feel really crazy so the first thing to do in the morning is to force through it and get the world into focus.

That all happened eventually and I hopped on the scooter and zipped over the river to the store. My head is difficult to keep up now that there is so much damage to the spine in the neck and if I am not keeping an eye on it it slumps off to one side. The pain seems to tire the muscles easily now.

It was a nice day! Soft, cool wind. Warm sun, a few wind-blown clouds. It was absolutely the best day one could want to be dealing with all the pain. I cannot think of the word. It was like restring an injured limb on a feather duna. Supportive. There were a few people about and one of the guys I used to consider a very good mate in the long ago turned up for the first time in twenty years. I cannot remember if we parted on good terms. Back then I was still in the brain-damaged whirlwind after the accident. I did some terrible things before I realised there was something wrong with my mind. I hope we are alright. I was absolutely delighted to see him and hear how his life had been

A slow ride over to the bakery for a chat with a few people. There were a few people over there to chat with and all the stress of yesterday was much relieved by some good company today. By the time I arrived home there was only one thing left to do. Sleep. Someone tried to bang the door down at some stage but I will not answer the door straight from a deep sleep for the reasons I have already mentioned.

The little Asus netbook is back up and with almost its full range of software for me to use as a kind of briefcase processor. I know mum gave it to me but I really feel all affluent with this much power at my disposal. Hopefully it will add to my ability to get stuff (what stuff, don’t know) done. The Dodo wireless broadband went in easily and gave me internet. Roger has a wireless hub at the store so I will take the little machine over there and see if I can set up the wireless. There is a copy of online armour for the firewall and Firefox has become the browser of choice It was the reason they created this one. Then I want to limp my way onto the beach lookout and call someone on Skype with the ocean in the background.

Now, I am exhausted enough to be slurring words and unable to open my eyes properly. I feel very ill. Painkillers seem to doing little more than costing money and increasing the bowel obstruction thing. It is all a little nasty isn’t it! I do not know if this what a slow death feels like for certain but it is a point where the wish to die is going to a regular part of a lot of future days.