An old doodle drawn as America started some war or another

I was determined not to go to the hospital. Everything was fine in the morning and there was even a chance to grab some groceries. By 11am though the pins and needles feeling in the face was back and it went down the left shoulder and arm. I still was determined not to go to the hospital. My face sagged. I looked in the mirror and the left side of my mouth was curved down and the lower lid of my eye seemed to hang low. So much for not going to the hospital The ambulance took about ten minutes and I was too worried to stand still so I had a shave and packed anything I had not packed in the hospital bag last night. I still could not sit still so I met the ambulance at the gate.

The staff at the hospital were great. They really hunt for signs of whatever it is that ails you and they are a pleasure to be around. I did not expect the outcome of all their searching and CT scans and things though. The pins and needles do not issue from the damaged ticker. They did not have enough data to make a final assessment but they predict I either have compression of the spine or something else my head has lost the term for. I am to get an MRI and see a neurologist. Tomorrow I am going to my GP to see about an MRI of some damage in the spine or neck anyway. I wonder if they are the same spot.

You might notice that I am not leading a triumphal parade and yelling about a victory over my enemies. The things is I am not looking for a victory nor am I wishing for something to be wrong. Something is wrong though. It is very wrong and very painful and more scary than I want to be dealing with on top of everything else. At the moment I am silent with a heavy lump in my throat and almost suicidally unhappy. More pain and more doctors and more to be careful with. Either that or more stuff nobody can find. If that happens Ray White staff at Budgewoi will not have to worry about much at all. I am desperately tired and will just jump off a bridge with a bag of bricks. And the bloody money. I almost had a place in the world where somebody who might buy a painting or drawing was getting to see them. There was almost enough money to pay for all of the framing. This next lot of medical issues are expensive. Hundreds of dollars for each specialist and for each MRI. I am not sure but there are court dates and evidence due dates and dates for meeting with lawyers every few days this month. I was due to see the heart specialist about putting a defibrillator in my chest. I think the court is on that day.  There are still painful pins and needles in my face and I feel awful and lost.

And yes, my grocery money went to a cabbie so I could get home…again!

I have not really covered everything have I? So what was it about the sagging lip. I do not know. It is not there now. I can only assume that my face sags to the left when I am as exhausted as I have been lately and I didn’t notice before. I am so bummed by all this. I hate going against people or hurting people. I have all this amazing technology and equipment that I can use to make beautiful or inspiring things and look, I am forced to spend my time fighting an ugly little battle to survive.