The hard drive which collapsed went off to Techbuy where it was tested. When they were happy it could not be recovered they rescued what data they could and obtained a new drive under warranty. Techdrive have been very professional in the years I have been purchasing parts and getting this machine built. It is the third I have had built although the first two were basic I3s.
As I said in the post before this LDR lent me a second-hand drive free of charge which they set up to last until the normal one was returned. Techbuy sent the replacement back a few days ago and it was freighted via my mobility scooter along with the rest of the machine to LDR Computing at Tumbi Umbi. The folk at LDR did a wonderful job of setting up Windows 10 and a pile of other software they felt would save me time when I got it home and they made some good choices I would not have made. There was a very reasonable charge considering the time they spent on the machine. I actually told them I was concerned they were undercharging me but they were all smiles and reassurance. The machine is still being loaded back up so there are no images in the body of post yet. Sorry.
My local planner from NDIS phoned me and discussed the best way to get things moving. He sounded very positive on the phone but as of this moment nothing has changed there.
A woman came to the apartment from one of the disability service providers. She was interviewing me to see if her service could provide my supports. The interview went for about an hour during which time I babbled a lot. At least I wasn’t ill like I was when the NDIS case workers came. At the time of writing this post there is still no heating, no support services and no idea when they will come.
I am sitting up in the middle of the night right now. Insomnia mingled with despair had me talking to myself again and I came to the agreement there is no chance of this NDIS providing me with anything but a slow train wreck. I am trying to fight my way back into an artistic community and the only transport and human support I have access to is long past useless and unlikely to be available in any way that would let me become anything apart from a slow drive-by on an unknown date in a place to be decided by someone else.
There was quite a bit of resistance when I told the disability service provider representative I needed to go to art cafes and galleries. They seem to think I am asking for some opulent service their welfare way of thinking does not find easy to envisage. I have to find some way a desperately ill man can get back into a community. My body is hard to deal with and I have to physically search for parts of life I can cope with to allow me to get my work shown and enjoy the company of other artists.
I am still unable to get mental health support. Years of abuse left me with the huge scar represented by complex PTSD as well as some savage head injuries causing me frontal lobe damage. You can look it up if you want to know what it means but I am at the extreme end and can get nobody who can assist me or even wants to sit and progress the analysis of the problem from where the neurologists and tests left it a few years back. It is partly the cost. I am unable to hold enough money aside at the moment.
You can say what you like. I am living in a freezing squalid apartment with this kind of glacially slow unrolling of promises of services. There seems to be a constant need for more and more attention and paperwork when I should be resting and trying to rebuild energy and even with all the effort I am floating backwards. These people are stealing any chance I may ever have of even getting a painting finished. They are ensuring I am trapped in this emptiness watching the world hurtle past without me. I would give anything to be able to tell them all to f**k off and simply get on with my life.
Have you ever wondered why people suicide. I always laugh out loud when the media start reporting on some some new effort from psychologists and psychiatrists to stop suicides. They are pretending to have some useful tools so they can grab another few dollars of grant money
If it wasn’t for the good people who have been so much actual assistance and who have embraced my presence in their lives lately I would think I was under a universal attack.
The other option I fear may have to be entertained is to hand back the NDIS plan as unusable and move on without any support. I have none now and there were many months over the last three years when there was nothing so it will not be a loss.
It is just the NDIS plan promises the possibility of some easing of this awful situation. It is the promise of easing causing the suffering though.
I keep trying to think how I could push my way to a better outcome but I am too dependent. I simply cannot do these things alone and equally cannot find anyone with a spark of intellect I can use to project me back into some resemblance of contributing to life. It is morning and I haven’t slept again. My poor old heart is not enjoying the cold, insomnia, pain and despair. There were some important things needing to be covered but unbelievable this is what my life looks like now. I fight my disabilities, pain and mental state as hard as I can to do the chores which do not even keep me level. Every Kelvin of physical energy and spark of psychic energy is being drained and comes to nothing. Not even a good sleep.
I cannot stand the thought of doing another edit. Every line had some mistake or was written in some way as to be unintelligible. The confusion is a sign of the stress and harshness of this moment in time. It is very dangerous and I have to stop. Sorry if it is hard to read