Rolling right along.

Attributes for this image are on Hard Luck Asthma Blog


Nothing from New South Wales Civil and Administrative Tribunal yet. A letter will probably come moments after the lawyer looking after the defense has returned from her holidays.

Last few entries have noted the fact that each time I was forced to travel all that way and enter into the buildings where NCAT hides I was so grievously ill that comprehension of what people were saying and doing was almost lost. Getting the legal system to understand the risk to my health and the absolutely shameful lack of consideration for my ability to be aware of what was happening  was impossible and pointless.

The Tribunal chews through the lives of people as ill as me while refusing to recognize formally the state of any of them. The gruesome fact is, that if this tribunal were forced to recognize people’s helplessness or take responsibility for the conditions it caused them to endure and which have caused many deaths, the ability of investors and politicians to enrich themselves in copious land sales and extraordinary rent hikes would be lowered. One also has to wonder about the “snouts in the trough” mentality of natural gas, electricity and even the post office and how they would change in the face of critical analysis of benefits and harms.

That left me with an extraordinary desperation to, at least, find some way to lighten the veil of pain and illness embracing me after a painful and hot trip from one side of the coast to the other. Last time that included being locked out of the Tribunal waiting room and forced to sit on the hard floor in a hallway for almost an hour. It capped the brutality of my experience by removing any resistance I could have made to the final confusion and loss of comprehension. It meant that I was in the hands of a system that has done every slack thing to trick me, bully me, lie to me and ruin me without knowing what I have to do to even survive that day’s process. The system on whom I must throw myself has been killing my fellow Australians without a qualm and possibly with the culture warrior’s glee at its own superiority for at least two decades. Thousands and thousand of lives broken on the streets of NSW

My sheer animal desperation to have some say in the destruction of my tiny life may be understandable. I have witnessed the desperation in others and felt helpless fury at the innocuous note about their deaths that had left not a ripple on the government machine processing them and causing the hardships that ended them.

A letter went to my doctor some time ago. He had a conversation with me as I fought to overcome the state that so added to my danger. I asked about amphetamines. Would a low dose of some amphetamine enable my body to survive the physical stress of a another tribunal visit? I tried a low dose that was in a flu medication. Just that low was all. It helped once but the fact that it was driving my body to even more outrages against my heart meant it could be a fatal support mechanism. It added the danger also that in its attempts to supply my body my heart would add to the brain damage from loss of blood which is already what was transpiring but would be worse. Extending the pain relief offered the same disastrous outcome. In my bucket of medications there is Oxycodone for emergency high pain levels but the idea is to use it to get past dangerous pain to where I can rest. Extending the time the stress is focused on the heart by using the pain relief to enable me to stay in the abusive zone forces it to compensate and again it draws blood from the brain to try and keep me afoot. This was how the crippling heart failure from the year 1999 left me witless and homeless. I did the university degree but it almost cost me my life and I then ended up homeless where the physical effort of surviving actually damaged my heart and brain so much that I spent some time insane and living on the side of the lake.

You can imagine my desperation as I face another bout of homelessness knowing I may die mentally addled and in pain.

The thing that struck me now is the idea that by raising the oxygen level of the blood a few percent I can compensate for the actual inability of the heart to keep the supply up. The sour look on my doctor’s face when I explained this to him said more than his words. In America I could have bought a little gas tube like a can of fly spray with a mask. In Australia the whole medical gas thing is another of those edifices the lawyers and doctors have designed to protect their empires and keep the population from having ideas above their station. I had to see a respiratory specialist, possibly over years. I would be tested in a way that totally ignored my reality and need but was customary to their industry norms and long after I had become homeless and died of the harsh stresses on my body nobody would comment. My GP did the right thing and discouraged me with the warning I needed that prescription.

He told me that sometimes people having anxiety attacks couldnt breathe and asked for oxygen but those attacks were caused by too much oxygen. I told him that people always found some small danger to suggest that an idea was farcical. It was weighed. A squirt too much oxygen against the living hell of dying on the streets and the possibility that having mental clarity might save me from it. Hmmm! Hard decision isnt it? Once again the reluctance of the medical profession in Australia to allow a treatment with minor negative possibilities because it didnt flow through their immense administrative structure. That was what happened with the medical professionals over the thirty years before that. They elected to allow me to spend years in helplessness and pain rather than weigh the pain and loss and act accordingly. Their position gets the attention it deserves and I ignore it!

The scientists may insist that there is no reliable body of research to prove this use of Oxygen has any benefit. My life will not be lost at the whim of research grants. One of those things where there is ample evidence to establish a pattern of possibility is in the link between vulnerable, elderly, ill and crippled people dying soon after being evicted. There is a massive body of evidence that the people died quite soon after being evicted and even while being evicted. There is also compelling evidence that in New South Wales there is no reasonable stock of suitable and affordable housing for anyone below a certain income level. The NSW government and the legal structure and the corporate structure seem to think that by looking away as they make someone homeless they can avoid responsibility in what is a murder. The lack of connection to a research collection on my attempts to use oxygen to add to my survival pales away like a puff of cigar smoke in a hurricane. Anyway I may have found a way. More about Oxygen in another post. I may have found a little squirt that would be enough on the day or on days like it.

Ebay has little blood oxygen monitors for around twenty bucks so one of those is winging its way from a medical supply company in Melbourne as well.

Sample oximeter image from the internet

Ow. That was a massive angina attack. It is well over 30 degrees Centigrade in here. I may have been doing this for three hours. The doctor tested my blood pressure a couple days ago and it was 190/ over some ridiculously high figure. I missed hearing the last number because he had such a violent double take. He scrabbled among the list of medications I take and then realizing that there wasn’t a pharmaceutical option not already in use he just dropped the subject. Now that is combining with the heat and nervous stress to really hammer my poor old circulatory system. I will rest and come back maybe

Slept two hours and the heat left me with a monster headache.

The lawn (no it is not an advertisement!)

Outside there is a ring of dead ground where the contractors have dispensed herbicide rather than edging the lawn. It must be a “persistent” herbicide as months later nothing but a very tough weed exists where it was used. It seemed a reasonable thing to buy a packet of “Yates Lawn Repair” from Woolworths supermarket to try and get life back into it. There are several types of grass among the seeds in the packet but the whole things is recommended as an autumnal planting. Why they would have such a thing on the shelves when it is the middle of a fiery summer is a good  question. If I survive the NCAT experience it may be good to finish the box in the proper season. I find lawn relaxing even if I wouldn’t have anything like it in my own home.

Some other notes. Leaks and the heat

The leaky spot from the last post has dried and after a short initial flood the rain did not intrude again. It must have been a drain backing up momentarily. My paintings are in even tighter stacks but they cannot stay that way as it is inevitable they will be damaged.

This summer the idea was to create shade around the entire apartment. The Clematis climber that promised to climb and shade the bit of wall by the front door has been strangled by the rock plant it was potted with. It will not kill it but the rock plant controls all the nutrient and has clamped the entire pot with root before the Clematis could get at the wall. If there is a next year here the Clematis can be re-potted.

Where the sign is up on the front eaves a short length of shade cloth has been keeping the sun off the wall. A shade screen also sits in front of the actual door so it doesn’t take direct sun and radiate heat all day. There are a lot of things that didn’t get done but these things have a noticeable effect on the heat in the cottage. Years in little “hot-box” apartments with no air conditioning create the conditions for some creative thinking to try and get comfortable without risking the ire of owners. The list of things that can be done is long and they all require some level of ability with tools and an understanding of cheap apartments.Only a very few will work in each apartment and having the right tools and materials on hand is a big part of the complexity of surviving as a tenant.

I had hoped to go on and talk about how the “sulking child-like people in the group I call the “sewing circle” seem to be continuing their little tribal hate campaign but this will do.


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