A contractor has appeared at the door asking for entry to inspect the apartment and check the smoke alarm. He claims to have an 11am appointment but I see no mails in my government website box nor have any appeared in my snail mail box. They begin again to see if they can get me to shout at them out of frustration knowing I am ill and having no respect.
I am shaking in big shuddering bursts. There is a sickening lump in my stomach. I wanna fight these bloody bastards until their own homes feel as unsafe as mine. It is not enough that one of them has lied to create a case for my eviction but they continue to goad me looking to do it again. Does nobody give enough of a shit to stop them?
Great. That image will be the wall in main room. All of the framed drawings were moved as far from the wet carpet of the broken water heater as space would allow. Things are piled precariously and everything just waits to be tripped over and ruined or crumpled or holed as I still dont trust the room they were taken out of to keep them safe.
There was an unusually heavy rain with “fat” drops a few moments ago and the water entered the room directly above the new storage spot for the framed inks on paper and above the bed. I dont want to be living like this.
There were things I had planned to tell you about I think. Not Christmas certainly. That was awful. Maybe more about oxygen and gardens and lawn and stuff. I cannot remember. This is what happens though. The things that carry the greatest emotional load are the things my battered memory holds. Abuse and leaking walls where they sit over my drawings, cameras and bed. I dont know. This poverty and disability. It sucks all day long. People here tell me not to stress so much but I am almost the only one who hasn’t retired from trying to make things.
When you have very little. When things cost so much emotional and physical pain to create. They are important. Important enough so I cannot stand the sense of loss when a drawing that took six months of sheer hell to create becomes a puddle of papier mache. Up to then I felt a kind of joy in the making even with the hardship. I would almost have glowed with delight if that one had ended being hung and viewed. All of them lost in the round with the water heater flood.
The shelf crash that tore several. The ones the removalist holed or lost. The ones soaked by firemen in storage. The ones made into a bonfire by the Dural estate agent. The ones that were turned to mush when the boot of the car I was sleeping in started to leak. I did some nice work. That was a lot of drawings. Especially compared to the few that survive.
I am not calling anyone. The water has stopped. That was unusual rain and I will cut my foot off before I do anything to attract those bastards in here. I have a little beer. Its nice and cold. It is enough to help me rest. Just one small bottle. I think I would like a beer.
The wet spot dried almost immediately in this heat. I will build palettes to stand things on and then plastic raincoats to store them in. I try to create excellence when I work. That is a part of what art is for me. Nothing of that nature will be formed here and I dont know how to get to any place where work can be made. I dont think you left any places I can escape to. The storm just caused a brown out. Im gone. Gnight!
Woke later. The heat is still being blown away by the storm although it has drained me of strength.
I have to wonder about the contractor who came to the door. He knew I wouldn’t let him in. He is one of a group of contractors who have been goading and over-servicing me for a few years. One of them managed to get a situation where he lied enough to give the company an excuse to begin eviction proceeds in NCAT. At this point you have to wonder why they are pretending to want to enter. If I lose this case in NCAT I am going to face a truly terrible death as a handicapped and ill homeless person. I am amazed that these guys would even show their faces and for one of them to attempt to access the apartment? No one from this group of companies or government department will ever be allowed to be in my presence without witnesses and video recording. They will do anything and have no self respect